Tuesday, March 10, 2009
My Tough Cookie is Going to Kindergarten?!
I should be entering receipts on Quicken right now, but I had to share a couple of thoughts:
I registered CAH (aka "Tough Cookie") for kindergarten last night. I can't believe she's growing up so fast! I just had to take a moment to reflect on how she fought to enter this world. I found out I was pregnant in December of 2003 and was THRILLED! I had been doing the ultra-controlling thing of "hurrying" conception along...ovulation predictor kits, basal body temperatures, and charting were what I thought was necessary to conceive. It had taken over a year to conceive the twins (born/died in utero at 14 weeks on 4/23/01), then NCH was (thankfully) conceived quickly. But this next time was over a year, so beep-beep-beep went my thermometer every morning. EVERYONE I knew was pregnant and I LONGED for another baby. Finally, it was my turn! I was delighted! But at the end of January, when I was 9 weeks along, I was taking the stroller out of the van...suddenly I felt a rush, like my water had broken - but way too early. I put the stroller away, answered my 22-month-old son's questions by saying we were all done at the store and we needed to meet Daddy at the doctor's....the ultrasound technician saw the baby and the heartbeat was fine. The doctor (the one I don't care for) came in and said it was likely a matter of time, we were to go home and "watchfully wait", the miscarriage could take 2-10 days. I had a subchorionic bleed and would probably lose the baby. I was devastated, but I hadn't given up hope. The baby's heart was still beating!! So I watchfully waited and stayed in bed. This was much harder than I ever thought it would be. NCH was my life! The sun rose and set on him. I did EVERYTHING for him. Only I could make his lunch, give him a bath, care for him "properly"!!! Well, what a wake-up call! My husband did a fine job, as did the many friends and family members that came to help. We had friends praying around the world for this little baby. At a subsequent ultrasound appointment, the technician nicknamed the baby "one tough cookie" as the baby continued to grow and thrive inside. The restrictions were eventually lifted, and in April, we were told this was a baby girl! I was elated! As the oldest of 8 granddaughters, I was so happy to have a girl who could wear all the dresses and bows my mother had saved over the years. Life got back to normal, until mid-May, when I began to bleed badly...back to the OB office...panicked, as I had grown to love my little girl and yearned to meet her on her due date in August! This time it was placenta previa...the placenta was completely covering my cervix, putting us both at risk. Back to the bed I went, still not happily. Couldn't I just be normal? A few weeks later, I failed my glucose tolerance test, and had to test my blood four times a day (now I realize it was bed rest-induced gestational diabetes!) I followed the dietitian's plan to the letter and never once "spilled" any sugar. By early August, I was eager to schedule my c-section (necessary due to placenta previa.) Again, my controlling personality was coming out - let's pick the section date and make our plans. But SURPRISE! As the baby grew, the placenta was pulled away from my cervix, so I no longer had placenta previa! Now I could deliver normally (great news) but I had to wait until labor began (can you believe I was annoyed I couldn't pick my date?!!) Well, August 7th, labor began. I finally went to the hospital around dinner time, only to be sent home at 11pm - labor had slowed down, so home I went. On Monday, August 9th at 6am, I contracted regularly as I sat in a rocking chair knitting, then watching the Little People with NCH, finally heading to the doctor and quickly to the hospital...CAH made her arrival shortly thereafter...with the cord snug around her little neck!! Her first APGAR was a 1, and she was blue and floppy. I was beyond terrified...after all we'd been through, was I going to lose her now?!!! They gave her oxygen and her APGAR jumped to an 8! I trembled so much I could barely hold her...but oh she was beautiful!! Not just a mom thinking her baby is beautiful, but really like a doll...she took to nursing right away. She pleasantly snuggled on my lap as I wrote out her birth announcements in the hospital. She was a joyful, content baby from day one. Even now, she seeks to please, and God uses her every day to remind me that I am NOT in control, that I need to show love and be joyful, even though it is in my nature to be orderly and tough. CAH has asked me, " Are you happy, Mama?" if I frown too much. She runs to me to give me a hug just because. I can't leave the house without her calling, "Hug and kiss!!" My fear is that she will become someone's doormat. I want her to be loving and joyful but to be able to stand up for herself. I have seen "pleasers" get hurt and I don't want that for her. I know she is not mine, but God's and He will use her to reach others. It is so scary to pray that your child will love and serve God , especially when you want to specify HOW your child will serve and list your "conditions" to God!
What am I trying to say after all of this?
1) I am not in control. God is, and isn't that wonderful?!!!
2) Our children are on loan to us...we love them SO much, but God loves them even more than we do!
3) This moment will pass so quickly. We have to enjoy this moment while preparing our children for the future.
4) It's not our job to make our children happy, but to make them holy (yikes! tough one!)
5) "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."(Romans 8:28) What a testimony my "tough cookie" is to God's love and faithfulness!